Sunday, April 15, 2007

this is probably the worst weekend i had for over my 15 yrs on Earth. i question, did God give me this position to grow? i know everything He does has a purpose. but i really dont see the purpose here. i get mocked at, get run down by people's comments. is this really for me?! i dont know. aud told me once that i should NEVER question God's doing. cos only He knows why. just do according and always seek Him. frankly speaking, i've been through all their blogs. i've seen what they wrote about me. i cant just treat it as if nth has happened. i've seen it with my eyes. and i admit, i do feel hurt. its like, i've always thought of them as my friends. i've never imagined that they actually thought of me in this way. and now i truly understand how those prisoners feel. they made a mistake, they were thrown in jail. they repent, they get released. but the whole world condemns them. just for that mistake they made previously. oh Lord, i've asked for Your forgiveness for that. but why cant they be like You? i mean everyone makes mistakes. ok, if they think i cant lead them, then they want me to give up this post? Lord, i'm at a lost now. will You just come and hold my hand? show me the way.

my mum overheard my conversation with my fellow leader. she was very worried. i dont want my family to know about this. i know they will get very very worried for me. i've got to keep this to myself. Lord, pls come to me. give me the strength to face each day. i know its going to be tough. but with God, i know its possible to overcome anything. all things are possible!!

as quoted from the bible,

isaiah 8:11-14
The Lord has said to me in the strongest term:"Do not think like everyone else does. Do not be afraid that some plan conceived behind closed doors will be the end of you. Do not fear anything except the Lord Almighty. He alone is the Holy One. If you fear him, you need fear nothing else. He will keep you safe."

in my saddest moment, the Lord spoke to me throught this words. i thought it was really very very touching. yes, why do i fear mere humans? the Lord, who created the skys and earth and everything, has the power to breathe life into anyone or take away the life of anyone. with the Lord, i have nothing to fear. just fear Him. i entrust my duties into His hands and i know, the Lord Almighty will help me. even if the whole world runs me down, i know there is always one person who will stay by me, who will give me strength, give me courage, willing to hold my hand, hide me under His wings, protect me from danger, light my way. and He is the Lord. thank You my Father. thank You. AMEN.

in Christ, i will grow stronger!


ciao!

SHIN-ing @.. 3:13 PM